The Wisdom of Calling In

Why it’s often a good idea to check in privately with someone when they post something on social media that sparks your anger

Today I practiced what I preach and called in rather than called out someone when I reacted angrily to one of their social media posts. It was a meme. It felt transphobic. It felt like bad timing amid the wave of right-wing transphobia gripping the country right now. It was pissed off.

But, rather than fire off an angry comment on the post, I instead did what I have suggested others do. I contacted them privately and asked their intention when posting the meme.

Knowing the person as I do, I instinctively knew they were likely not transphobic. They had historically expressed steadfast support for the LGBTQ community. They’re smart. They’re informed. I trusted my gut and messaged them inquiring more about why they posted the meme.

Before I get to our discussion, perhaps the concept of calling in is new to you. In “Calling In Vs. Calling Out: When and How to Use One Approach Over the Other in the Workplace” Fatima Dainkeh describes calling in this way.

This approach is often used when people want to compassionately inform someone that what they’ve said or done is problematic, harmful and not okay. When using this approach, you have an understanding that as humans we all have…